Hobbies

Struggling with the past.

It happens when I’m in bed, it’s late, the mattress slips away and suddenly I’m falling. It’s not normal, gravity doesn’t act the same way, I’m suspended by resistance as if held there, yet descending towards an almighty abyss.

Parts of my life loom below to be observed and reflected while falling, further, further into the spreading darkness. I’m forced to relive these moments, falling through the branches of the tree that is memory. Branches of events growing into consequences and ending in colourful finale as they flutter and detach into chilling emptiness.

In rehashing these moments I can interact with the version of myself unaware of the future. Shake the naivety out, quash it. I find myself changing, aware of what I was, what I can be, and I realise all of these windows into my past have to happen the way they do, if not I wouldn’t be the same person I am now. Right now, in this moment, I live these over and over again like a bird taking flight only in accepting they will eventually have to land again.

Just a bit of creative rambling this time, hope you enjoyed it. Just splashing little snippets of writing here and there to see what I can do so let me know what you think! This is just what stuck out.

A month of the rest of my life.

I began this blog a few weeks ago, I’d played with the idea of blogging for years and after pursuing many attempts at something solid I couldn’t hold it for any longer than a year. While it was quite successful, I deleted it all. Then I thought long and hard about the title of this blog: The Next Chapter.

I have spent so much of my life worrying about the past and it’s consequences over what might happen in the future that I haven’t been able to enjoy it like I should have. Looking back, that just wasn’t right, nobody should live that way. This is why the title is relevant. I’ve moved to an entirely new country for University, I’ve left my old life and it’s baggage behind and now I’m starting over again. This is the next chapter of my life, and hopefully I go on to live many of them, each more exciting than the one before.

That’s not to say I’ve forgotten what I’ve lived through so far, while I may not be willing to remember certain things there are so many I could ponder on for days, so many amazing experiences and conversations with people from home that I am never going to forget.

It’s so weird to think I’ve been living on my own, away from home, for an entire month now. University was always an idea, a thought, never a reality; now I’m coming to terms with the fact that time is flying and I’m more independent than I ever have been.

That doesn’t mean it’s been completely perfect, oh no no, far from it. From stumbling into lecture halls 20 minutes late to spectacularly sprawling over the subway platform, it’s all already happened and I’m sure I’ll write about those unfortunate events in posts to come.

The wonderful thing about living independently is you get to learn a whole new side to yourself you may not have known. Turns out I can be quite motivated when I want to be, like right now for example; I’ve wanted to post this for a whole month and here I am blasting it out in one fell swoop. I’ve also learnt that I cannot cook, (I’ll be honest and say I always knew that…really) but from that I’ve learnt it doesn’t mean I can’t make do. I’ve known I’m a resourceful person but it’s always been from an academic perspective; I work well under pressure, deadlines and so on, but this time the focus has shifted slightly to include domestic responsibilities. The emphasis is now on what I’m spending daily or what’s for dinner rather than what I’m going to say for third period English Literature in school the next day.

I have heard countless people say that University is just as much about the experience as it is about the education and at this point in my life I think I needed that change. I have time to focus on hobbies such as this blog for example (that I hope I can continue to find time for as University life progresses). I have time to go out there and find new friends, new relationships, a new life entirely.

This is The Next Chapter, and I’ll be damned if it’s not going to be anything but spectacular.